Have you ever considered that compassion could be one of the most powerful attributes you could bring to your parenting and family culture? I’d go as far as to suggest it’s the single most overlooked attribute that could literally change everything in a home.
The moment I realised this, and what it looks like in practice, is a moment I will never forget.
My son, Copeland, was 3 years old and was sick for what felt like the 20 millionth time that year (the classic first year of daycare I hear), and every time Copeland would get sick, he would develop a severe cough and would struggle breathing. This particular time he was struggling to breathe so much that we took him to the ED at our local hospital (which also happened to be on the day of our wedding anniversary, how’s that for a laugh?). First things first, let me explain something, Copeland is usually the most beautiful, sweet, logical, calm tempered boy, and that’s how he was prior to the hospital visit. When we got there he was calm, compliant, sweet and inquisitive as always. Then, he was put on a schedule of ventolin (an asthma puffer) to help him breathe. About 1 hour in, he started to go CRAZY. I’m talking, wanting to run up the walls CRAY; not listening, not sitting still, tantruming over the smallest things, loud, crazy cray. I guess as most parents would feel in that situation, my frustration levels were rising, and just as it was about to peak I had a ‘aha’ moment (those moments where God drops the biggest, deepest revelations in the flash of a moment).
This isn’t Copeland. This is the effects of the copious amounts of drugs that are flowing through his veins right now and he doesn’t need harsh discipline, he needs help to understand what’s happening and how to handle it.
He needed compassion.
I… needed compassion.
In one big hit one of the greatest, heaviest revelations dropped in my spirit literally all at once.
Could it be that this is how God is able to be SO gracious, SO loving and SO kind towards us?! He is all knowing after all.
So, if I were all knowing, I would have seen and known that the medication was wreaking havoc on my son’s nervous system making it hard for him to function in his normal way (literally making him agitated, shaky and irritable), and my responses would have remained loving, kind and compassionate. In that moment, realizing that’s what was happening, it gave me the ability to approach the scenario in a way more light hearted manner, filled with love, and compassion that almost found comedy in the whole scenario of his hyper-ness, knowing it wasn’t him, and it would pass.
Compassion, turned what could have been a bad reaction, into a good reaction.
Perhaps you too have or will find yourself in a similar scenario with your child or children. They’re acting up something chronic - meltdowns, whining, tantrums, crying and all the rest of it (oh the joys, right?). But then maybe you take a moment to look deeper, and realize, “oh they’re teething and in pain”, or “oh they haven’t slept and are way over tired”... And then suddenly your heart is filled with understanding that leads to a compassionate response rather than a snappy perhaps insensitive response. Realizing they aren’t acting the way they are to personally attack you, or purposefully drive you insane, they’re acting up because there is an external (or internal) factor that is affecting them and they don’t know how to handle it.
We, as adults, are no different (you’d like to hope though we can self-regulate a lot better); An external factor that could have the name ‘grief’, ‘trauma’, ‘sickness’, or even as small as ‘tiredness’, affects us and we do or say things not in line with our true self and nature. God’s response, the Yaweh way? A way of Compassion, a response of compassionate understanding, Faithful to lead us into all truth and knowledge, counselling us, or simply consoling and comforting us.
That’s what it looks like to parent like Yaweh.
It’s the way of compassion.
Consider these scriptures for a moment:
ISAIAH 40:11
"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."
He leads us gently… How do we lead our young then? Gently… ever so, like Him.
HEBREWS 4:4-16
“Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Jesus is named in the title of this group of scriptures as our ‘Compassionate High Priest’. The ‘therefore’ is of particular importance, it shows us that the reason we can come boldly to the throne is BECAUSE of His great compassion. Let our children always be able to feel they can come to us as they are, in all their weakness, boldly, because they KNOW we are compassionate.
MARK 1:41 (emphasis added)
"Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, “I am willing; be cleansed.”
This is just one of the many scriptures where this phrase, “moved with compassion” is found. Jesus was constantly moved with compassion. It was the driving force behind the miracles he performed. I pray compassion would be our driving force, every day, in our homes, in our responses, in all our conversations. The Yaweh way.
So, the next time your child is having a moment, take a moment to find the Jesus way, the moment of compassion that can lead to a more fruitful outcome than the yelling or the snapping (preaching to myself here). Sometimes they literally are just so upset their toy has been taken off then and they need comfort, so, give it to them, and watch compassion flood your home with peace, love, and joy.
With Love,
