When Parenting is Hard

September 6, 2022

You don’t have to be a parent for very long to realize it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. Some days, which can sometimes turn into a string of days becoming seasons, can be really, really hard.

As we’ve adjusted to life as a family of 5 in a new town we have certainly faced some new ‘hards’. We may or may not have nicknamed our third boy “no chill”, to give you an idea of how lively our household can be at times (haha!). Throw in there the barrage of sickness many families have been facing over the last 3 months and you just know, it’s been A TIME.

So, with all that said, some months ago I literally started compiling a list in my phone of “reminders for when parenting’s hard”, just to help my seeing when it goes a little off in face of the hard days/weeks. Just for me. Until recently I realized I’m definitely not the only one in the “sometimes parenting is really really hard boat”. So I thought I’d share them here :).

If there’s one thing I know, it’s that

our seeing often determines the state of our being.

Jesus puts it like this in Matthew 6:22-23:

“The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!”

In other words, the way we view things, our seeing (the eyes of our soul and spirit), affects everything. When it’s off, everything is off. And I don’t know about you, but sometimes my perspective (my seeing) needs help - enter this list I was keeping in front of me.

So, here they are…

5 reminders for when parenting is hard.

I hope they help your perspective today

It’s true what they say: the days are long (oh so long sometimes) but the years truly are short. You blink and your firstborn is 7, or 10, or a teen!

So it’s helpful to realize, those 18 years or so we get with our kids before they enter adulthood, that’s only 18 summers (if that, should they want to leave the nest earlier!). That’s 16-18 yearly family holidays (if you do that), 16-18 Christmases, 16-18 Easters… it’s really not that much when you break it down in this way.

The time is now. To be present, to be here for the season, to make the memories, to deposit the gold. To enjoy what we can and get through what we prefer not to live again (those bad nights, those bad days, I’m sure you know what I mean ;) ).

We aaaaall need a little more grace… then a little more after that. Realizing, “hey, this is the first time I’m facing this”, makes you realize that “ofcourse you don’t have it all figured out!”. I can definitely offer myself a little grace and compassion right now with the revelation that I’m doing my best with the knowledge I have right now. And you know what? They’re doing their best too, it’s the first time your child is in this season also. That ‘should’ narrative isn’t helpful - ditch it!

The bad behavior… the tantrums… the meltdowns… (oh the meltdowns!!)… the silent treatment… whatever it is - I need to remember they’re not doing these things AT me, as if they’re setting out to make my life hard. There’s more often than not, ALWAYS something more going on. Like, they’re teething, they’re getting sick, they’re tired, they’re overwhelmed with emotions that don’t have the actual brain function ability to regulate yet (fun fact - the logical part of the brain, the left brain, isn’t really developed until kids are 7 (the brain also not fully ‘maturing’ until 25!)… the book “The Whole Brain Child” is so helpful in understanding the brains of our children and how they develop, and therefore how we can help or hinder that development!).

In the hard moments, I remember, there’s more going on here, there’s more than what meets the eye… and then I pray… God, give me the eyes to see the unseen, beneath the surface to root of the problem... and give me the wisdom to respond (rather than react).

To echo the words of the great CS Lewis:

“children are not a distraction from more important work, they are the most important work”…

I read something once that said, the greatest contribution we make to the world may not be something we do or make but a person we raise… and with that perspective, we realize just how important this role we have as mums and dads really is. We're raising the future. It feels thankless. Under appreciated, undervalued… most of the work is unseen, but that doesn’t make it unimportant. It really is discipleship on steroids. And you know what? Motherhood IS ministry… it is in fact our most important ministry. This is important.

We can’t forget the divinity of what we do. The perspective of the divine and spiritual, whereby we understand that we are paired perfectly with our children. God obviously believed I was the parent best suited to this unique individual. I’m the one for the job. A job I don’t do alone. A job that I do with Holy Spirit, who formed this child in my womb, who knows their most inner parts, and who can direct and lead me to bring their original design to full fruition. Who can teach me about them. That’s me. I hold that weight and that responsibility with full reverence. Sometimes I just need to be reminded of its weighty-ness, not to be burdened by it but to be empowered by it.

And… on the days the ‘hard’ is blinding, over and over again I pray for all of us, help us see as you see in this, Lord. Let these reminders be prompted in our hearts and minds just as we need them.

With Love,